Lets get Serious.

I feel like writing about something a bit more serious today.

I debated all morning wether publishing this post was a good idea. At first I felt a little nervous exposing myself and my thoughts in such a public place but then I remembered that vulnerability is a good thing. Vulnerability produces understanding between people and advances relationships into deeper more meaningful ones. On the other hand, vulnerability can be quite dangerous because the more you share of yourself the larger the opportunity that people have of hurting you. In the end, I realized that if I walk through life afraid of sharing myself because I might be hurt than all my relationships and interactions with people will become plastically fake and whats the point of preserving a perfectly plastic and fake life?
So here goes nothing.

Most people in my life know that I have been an avid journaler since I was seventeen years old. Writing down thoughts, prayers, quotes, and making little doodles helps me to understand myself and the world around me. If I go a week without journaling, I start to feel restless.

In my journal lately, I have noticed this reoccurring pattern of giant mood swings. I have a really really really GREAT morning and in the afternoon I am terribly sad. My mood changes quicker than normal even for me and the littlest things can be the catalyst. Things like weather or unexpected changes in my schedule. Any one who has lived abroad will recognize this as normal when adjusting to living in a foreign culture. I was warned before coming that this would happen.

These mood swings have had me reflecting on joy, sadness, and happiness. What do these words mean and how can I have less of the sadness and more of that joy stuff? My faith teaches me to be joyful in all things (1st Thessalonians 5:16) and I want to pursue the teachings of my faith. But, how am I to EVER possibly achieve being joyful always!??! It seems impossible. Upon reexamining my own understanding of what it means to have joy, I realized it was possible. So, lets forget what your own personal definition of joy is and open your mind to this way of thinking. Disclaimer, I am not a psychological or biblical expert and this is only what I have gathered in my (soon to be) 24 years of life...

Firstly, Joy and sadness are not opposites. They do not contradict each other  Rather, happiness is the direct opposite of sadness and joy is something entirely different. Joy doesn't replace pain and sadness. Instead, having joy brings purpose and understanding to our lives and our feelings. Joy is the freedom from the paralysis that sadness can create in our lives. Therefore, being sad and joyful at the same time is entirely possible. Furthermore, its possible to feel happiness and have no joy. If you are entirely happy but it has no context and the understanding, your life is lacking, it is empty. Without joy.

If we use these definitions I think being joyful always is achievable. I also think being sad and joyful has more value and worth than empty happiness.

I have some really fantastic days here where I literally can't believe how lucky I am to be living this life. However, for every 10 days like that there is always that one that is the extreme opposite. On those days, joy gets me through. Whenever people ask me, "how are you doing?" the short answer is, "fine." or "good." And while those answers are true, they aren't the whole story. I have happy joyful days and every once and awhile I have a different kind of day. But they are all filled with joy!  I chose to share this post because its the long answer. The complete answer. The one I cant always bring myself to share. This is how I am doing. This is how I feel.

Be joyful friends.

Love you.

March 11, 2011

Today is the second anniversary of the Great East Japan Earthquake and Tsunami. It has been a pretty emotional day around school for everyone. At 2:46pm, the time the earthquake hit, we all stood and had a moment of silence or time of prayer for one minute. This moment was observed nationwide. In Japanese its called 黙祷 (mo-ku-to-u). It literally means silent prayer.

Today, was a half day for students since they had exams all morning. So, during the moment of silence the students were all practicing their club activities. I just happened to be near the window on the third floor overlooking the sports field. It was really amazing to watch everyone outside stop together and pray for one minute. I can only imagine what its like marking exams, studying, and working until late hours on the anniversary of such a tragedy. There is still much recovery to be done. Im not going to presume to tell you what to do or explain what this tragedy means in Japan. Because honestly I dont know much having not been here through the tragedy but if you have free time please read the link below.

Here is an article on the state of Japan today

Many blessings to you friends. Wherever you are.

Graduation.

 In Japan the school year ends in March and begins again in April and last week my school had its high school graduation for my san-nensei students.

In many ways Japanese ceremonies are much more formal but also much more everyday than western graduations. They are more formal because the students practice graduation for about a week before. Including how to stand, sit, and bow together. The entire school attends the graduation ceremony as well as parents family and friends. The ceremony is also a much more serious affair. There are no light hearted jokes, chuckles of laughter, or silly string. I was reminded of Catholic mass at points during the ceremony. However, it also felt much less formal than western graduations. For example, students wear their uniforms and It took place in the school gym.

I'd heard that in Japan graduation ceremonies are quite somber events so I, being someone known for crying at practically nothing, was not looking forward to crying in front of students and teachers. I gave myself a small pep talk before the ceremony started. During the ceremony the student giving the address on behalf of the graduating class did go through some extreme sobbing in the middle of her speech and many of the teachers around me joined her. Luckily, crying ended up not being a problem for me because I couldn't understand enough of what she was saying to feel emotional. I could only catch the topics of what she was talking about and completely missed what she was trying to communicate. The ceremony lasted all morning and after it was over the students were free to go home. The students however hung around and joyfully snapped pictures with their friends and favorite teachers. Many students came to their closest teachers and also gave out little gifts and presents.

It was a bitter sweet day because I, unlike most SHS ALT's, actually teach 2 very small san-nensei classes. I taught them 3 times a week! So I got to know these students better than any of the other students that I taught this year and I'm really going to miss them. especially my 3-2 girls.

Another thing I noticed was that students had definitely taken advantage of the freedom of not being in high school anymore. The dress code for schools here is super strict. Not only do students have to wear their uniform exactly right down to the color of their socks, but they cant wear colored contacts, dye their hair, wear makeup or jewelry, or paint their nails. Before the ceremony all the girls were in the bathroom basically spray painting their hair black before graduation ceremony started. They had all in their month of freedom in between classes and graduation gone out and dyed their hair crazy colors. The bathroom was a mess by friday afternoon.


I'm proud of my students who graduated and I hope nothing but the best for them next year! Right now we have tons of junior high school students running around taking entrance exams to come to Kanazu in April. I cant wait to meet my new ichi-nensei kids. I have some exciting ideas for next year!