Lets get Serious.

I feel like writing about something a bit more serious today.

I debated all morning wether publishing this post was a good idea. At first I felt a little nervous exposing myself and my thoughts in such a public place but then I remembered that vulnerability is a good thing. Vulnerability produces understanding between people and advances relationships into deeper more meaningful ones. On the other hand, vulnerability can be quite dangerous because the more you share of yourself the larger the opportunity that people have of hurting you. In the end, I realized that if I walk through life afraid of sharing myself because I might be hurt than all my relationships and interactions with people will become plastically fake and whats the point of preserving a perfectly plastic and fake life?
So here goes nothing.

Most people in my life know that I have been an avid journaler since I was seventeen years old. Writing down thoughts, prayers, quotes, and making little doodles helps me to understand myself and the world around me. If I go a week without journaling, I start to feel restless.

In my journal lately, I have noticed this reoccurring pattern of giant mood swings. I have a really really really GREAT morning and in the afternoon I am terribly sad. My mood changes quicker than normal even for me and the littlest things can be the catalyst. Things like weather or unexpected changes in my schedule. Any one who has lived abroad will recognize this as normal when adjusting to living in a foreign culture. I was warned before coming that this would happen.

These mood swings have had me reflecting on joy, sadness, and happiness. What do these words mean and how can I have less of the sadness and more of that joy stuff? My faith teaches me to be joyful in all things (1st Thessalonians 5:16) and I want to pursue the teachings of my faith. But, how am I to EVER possibly achieve being joyful always!??! It seems impossible. Upon reexamining my own understanding of what it means to have joy, I realized it was possible. So, lets forget what your own personal definition of joy is and open your mind to this way of thinking. Disclaimer, I am not a psychological or biblical expert and this is only what I have gathered in my (soon to be) 24 years of life...

Firstly, Joy and sadness are not opposites. They do not contradict each other  Rather, happiness is the direct opposite of sadness and joy is something entirely different. Joy doesn't replace pain and sadness. Instead, having joy brings purpose and understanding to our lives and our feelings. Joy is the freedom from the paralysis that sadness can create in our lives. Therefore, being sad and joyful at the same time is entirely possible. Furthermore, its possible to feel happiness and have no joy. If you are entirely happy but it has no context and the understanding, your life is lacking, it is empty. Without joy.

If we use these definitions I think being joyful always is achievable. I also think being sad and joyful has more value and worth than empty happiness.

I have some really fantastic days here where I literally can't believe how lucky I am to be living this life. However, for every 10 days like that there is always that one that is the extreme opposite. On those days, joy gets me through. Whenever people ask me, "how are you doing?" the short answer is, "fine." or "good." And while those answers are true, they aren't the whole story. I have happy joyful days and every once and awhile I have a different kind of day. But they are all filled with joy!  I chose to share this post because its the long answer. The complete answer. The one I cant always bring myself to share. This is how I am doing. This is how I feel.

Be joyful friends.

Love you.